American Law Reports

Since everyone is sending us jokes and riddles here’s some I received. The following are all taken from transcripts of true court cases in America.

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
LAWYER: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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LAWYER: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

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LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Is this a trick question?

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LAWYER: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
LAWYER: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

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LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

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LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people. Would you like to rephrase that?

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LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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– And the best for last: —
LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law

Another Hickman in Another Place (with thanks to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice)

We’ve decided to do a musical post to summarise the last week. I’ll leave you to work out what tune this should be read to as a bit of a challenge, you’ve not got many to choose from. Answers on a postcard to Mr A Lloyd Webber c/o BBC Television Centre, London. Alternative answers, jokes, riddles on a bacon sarnie to Mr R Powell.

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[Rhys:]

I don’t expect my Hickman lines to last for long

Never fool myself that my lines will stay in

Being used to infections I anticipate it

But all the same I hate it, wouldn’t you?

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[Chorus:]

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Another Hickman in another place

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Take you down to the ops room place

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

[All:] Your going to theatre

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

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[Rhys:]

Time and time again I’ve said that I don’t care

That I’ve no immunity, that I’ll smile through and through

But every time it matters all my words desert me

So any bug can infect me, and they do

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[Chorus:]

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Another Hickman in another place

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Take you down to the ops room place

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

[All:] Your going to theatre

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

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[Rhys:]

Call in three months time and I’ll be fine, I know

Well maybe not that fine, but I’ll survive anyhow

I won’t recall the names and places of each sad occasion

But that’s no consolation here and now.

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[Chorus:]

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Another Hickman in another place

[Rhys:] So what happens now?

[All:] Take you down to the ops room place

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

[All:] Your going to theatre

[Rhys:] Where am I going to?

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[All:] To the loo

New page added

Check out the new page ( link is on the right under Pages) to a short description of his illness written by Rhys with the help of the hospital teacher.

Baldy Blogger bone marrow drive at Mother of Parliaments

Sometimes Members of Parliament can actually do something worthwhile. Check out this video of an event involving Kali Mountford, Ed Balls and Alan Johnson recently.

Adrian’s posted on his blog about this and there’s even a link so that people can add their name to the petition on the Downing Street website if they want to back his campaign.

By the way apparently calling Westminster the Mother of Parliaments is a misquote.

New photos and video

The latest pictures have been uploaded to Fotki. Day 28 is missing as it was a truly frenetic day and there wasn’t time to take a picture in the end.

There’s also a new video on YouTube. Public health warning. Please where earplugs before watching it as it contains scenes of singing and playing musical instruments.

20th June Treatment Update

Rhys had another scan yesterday (Thursday) to check on how the fungal infection was going. We’re still waiting to hear from the consultant about this properly. We do know that it wasn’t causing his temperatures.

So because of this and his line infection, last night between 6:45pm and just after 9 Rhys went down to theatre and had his Hickman line removed, a cannula inserted into his hand on one side of his body and a peripheral line inserted near his ankle on the other side. As you can imagine he’s not at all happy about this.

Its proving awkward to move around and do things with the drips attached and so Tracey and Rhys had a bit of a rough night.

Unique Chap

As you might be aware from chatting with us and some of the earlier posts Rhys is a fairly rare character as far as his consultant in Bristol is concerned.

He is on his third batch of treatment for his A.L.L. OK there are others who have had to have multiple batches of treatment so this he’s not rare in that respect.

He has had total body radiotherapy this time around as well as having cranial radiotherapy during the second round of treatment. Again the protocol for relapse treatment calls for cranial radiotherapy in some cases and total body irradiation is part of getting ready for a transplant.

He has neurofibromatosis. This is what makes him a rare case as there are not many cases of this that crop up in the UK or worldwide and in Bristol’s experience he’s it.

But he’s not satisfied with that apparently. No sirry Bob.

As you know Rhys hasn’t been 100% over the last couple of weeks.

First he had a CT scan which showed that he had a fungal infection.

Then he had a camera down his throat and some other tests which revealed that he had mild graft versus host disease.

Now it appears that he has an infection in his Hickman line.

The doctor looking after him said that one or two infections is normal but three, not normal.

Typical of Rhys, can’t do anything the easy simple way. Has to do it the awkward way.

At least they are treating the infections so hopefully we’ll have these licked soon so that he’s able to eat those bacon sarnies soon.

Toonattik Part 3

As neither Tracey or Rhys have filled you in on how they got a phone call from Jamie at Toonattik here’s how it happened.

Saturday morning I sent an e-mail to Jamie at Toonattik to see if him and Anna could say hello to Rhys on the programme because we were sat there watching it in isolation. As any of you who might have watched the show will have seen this didn’t happen on Saturday nor Sunday.

On Monday I got an e-mail from the Tookattik team apologising for not mentioning him on the show but asking for some contact details so they could send him some goodies. I sent back the address for the BMT unit so that they could send them there as a surprise.

Yesterday afternoon (Tuesday) while Tracey was out spending some time with Karen and Robert who had come up to visit Jamie tried to phone. Of course the receptionist wouldn’t put them through without permission from Tracey.

When Tracey got back they told her that she’d had a phone call and that they would phone again on Wednesday. However, at about 5:30pm the phone rang again and it was Jamie to speak to Rhys. Anna had just left so she didn’t speak to Rhys but Jamie spoke to both of them.

None of this was planned when I sent the original e-mail and so it was a really special surprise for Rhys.

parcel from Toonattic day26

• Today Rhys received a parcel through the post from CITVS TOONATTIC team. He got a tshirt;the toonattic game apocket kite and a signed postcard from Jamie and Anna . Also a gym bag so he was a happy chappy.

  written by TRACEY HI EVERY BODY.

TOONATTIK

Auntie Anne came to look after me while Mummy had a break out.

Karen and Robert came up and took Mum out for lunch.

About 5.30 the phone rang it was Jamie from Toonattic.

He asked how I was.